Published: 23 February 2015


1. Be prepared to be quoted the alphabet in no particular order. Letters are more common that words in techie world. You’ll find out what some of the letters mean as time goes on…and you still won’t understand them!

2. Be prepared to explain your own expertise to a child of three – they have as much interest in your work as you do in their’s – and as much knowledge.

3. Be nice to them. Never tell them they’re talking crap. You’ll need them when your computer has a nervous breakdown.

4. Never call them for a minor problem – always make sure it’s a techie problem and they’ll feel fucking brilliant because they have helped you.

5. The optimum working hours of a techie are between 1pm - 1am. They may appear in person outside of these hours, but they can only converse with a pc.

6. When two or more get together, stay well clear.

7. Do not EVER offer your opinion as ‘an ordinary person’. They just can’t understand the that concept. – ORDINARY PERSON???

8. Provide food in any shape or form to stay on their good side – it also keeps them reasonably happy.

9. Remember, as computers become more human, so does their ability to completely f**k up.

10. Use your ultimate weapon sparingly – IT’S PAY DAY SOON. This can be used before as a bribe or a deterrent against derision if you need to ask for assistance. 


Nick Towers

Managing Director


Jan Shaw

Company Accountant


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